'The Visit to the Dingwall SNP Office of Alex Salmond'
or 'The Day that Davey Saved the Cake'
by William McGoonagall
Eagerly we gathered there
And at the ticking clock did stare
When, oh when would the Big Man take
The time to come and cut the cake?
Two o'clock, it came and went
And soon the sandwiches were spent.
Winnie sat and spoke with Davey
And then went off to find the Ladies.
One by one on that rainy day
The visitors did drift away.
"Time for action!" said bravest of all MSPs.
He tapped a glass. "Your attention, please!"
"He's been delayed, he cannot appear."
"But he will come another year!"
All the faces there went grey.
This was to be our special day!
"But" said Dave, our action man.
"Never fear, I have a plan!"
"The day's not lost, as you will see."
"For cake-cutting, you still have me!"
To think for Dave, is but to act
And soon with knife the cake attacked.
"With this knife, this cake I cleave."
"I'll do it now, so we can leave."
With one hard thrust, the knife went under
And the cake was cut asunder.
We applauded, as it befits.
The cake just lay there, all in bits.
A car pulled up and came in view,
A man with tie of shocking blue.
"Oh no!" cried one. "This will perplex us."
"Here comes Alex in a Lexus!"
The Big Man strode down through the hall,
But before went the call
"The cake!" and grown men trembled
As the cake was reassembled.
In he came and spoke out bravely
Of that day, when our Davey
Became all of Scotland's hero,
By pointing out to the returning officer that one and one do not make
Once again the cake was cleaven,
The Big Man's hand was firm and even.
He stopped and smiled, so we could take
Pictures of him cutting cake.
He smiled and all our hands he shook
And then his rushed departure took.
And so that he n'er forgets,
We gave him a bunch of violets.
Some think that this day will gain in fame,
As the day The Big Man came.
But History a different view will take.
'Twas the day that Davey saved the cake!